Expect The Unexpected
by SpamanoHetaliaFanForever
Summary: A short story that just sort of popped into my mind after being forced to write in a diary for a school project. Cartman confessed to his feelings in a diary, after Kenny gets a hold of it and tells Kyle all about Cartman's secret, things get weird


**November 12****th**** 2012**

_Today is Friday! Yay weekend! Although it fucking sucks for me because Mr. Fucking Garrison handed out these fucking diaries and expects me to write my feelings and shit in here. Well I'm saying one thing; I refuse to do that because it's gay as Kahl! Okay maybe I'm being forced to write in here and that's the reason there's writing in here but it sure ain't cause I wanna write in here. What's a diary do anyways? Help keep track of shit? I dunno but I'm sure I have to write things in here… Um how about why I hate Kahl we can start off with that… _

_2.__Ginger  
3.__From Jersey  
4.__Bitch of a mom  
5.__Hippie best friend  
6.__Annoying Jew parents  
7.__Too irritable  
8.__Has no sense about anything  
9.__His Emerald eyes are hypnotizing and really annoying  
10.__No matter how hard I fucking try, he still doesn't recognize me as a friend more or less a boyfriend.  
11.__He had no idea about my feelings for him, how jealous I get when I see Stan hanging around with him.  
12.__But the part I hate the most is how he can't sense I've felt this way for so long. I mean I always act weird around him but he doesn't get it… He doesn't get it…_

* * *

"Okay children, everyone put down your diaries. It's almost time to go home and I don't want any of you holding me up."

Mr. Garrison made me jump when I heard his voice at the front of the room; I swore it was Kyle looking over what I had written. Maybe it would have been a good thing or maybe it would have been the worst thing in the world cause he'd probably tease me about it, being the Jew he was.

I fixed my book and shoved it into my desk along with a picture of Kyle I had kept since I was ten. Usually I'd hide it under all my stuff inside my desk but I had nothing left in there so it was left unhidden.

As I stood up I saw Kenny walking over to me, a big smirk on his face. Oh great what's the news now? He learned he doesn't have aids anymore so he can go back to fucking everyone?

"Eric! Dude wait up for me! I need to talk to you for a sec!" I shook my head as I walked off into the opposite direction, towards the boy's bathroom. As I opened the door I noticed no one was in there so I was clear to talk to Kenny.

"What do you want Ken? I'm sort of busy…"

"Ah nothing I just wanna know what's up with you, you've been acting really different lately I mean, I saw you actually writing in your diary… Cartman wouldn't ever do that…" I shuffled slightly listening to my blonde friend, he was right I was acting different lately but it was all cause of that stupid fight the other day.

I was walking over to Kyle when he was at his desk, not cause I wanted to hurt him or anything but I was actually going to tell him about my feelings since we hadn't fought in a while, I thought we were over that stage. So anyways as I walked over and started talking to the ginger, his stupid "boyfriend" had to come along and say I was bothering Kyle. Anyways the hippie's words must have gotten into Kyle's brain because before I knew it they were both trying to get me to leave.

I got all pissed off and shit and the next thing I know, I was flipping out at them both. Kyle got all defensive and so did Stan. Before I knew it we were pushing each other around and Stan got knocked out. When Kyle looked around and realized Stan was no longer conscious he just about blew up and so started World War III, or maybe X for us.

That's where it got all weird though. Instead of flipping at Kyle, like usual to get attention from him, I walked away. He wasn't done though, as I was walking away he attacked me from behind, I never saw it coming.

Anyways everything was really fucked up between us ever since. I should have seen that coming since Kyle is a Jew and well Jews are trouble. But no I just have to have these gay feelings.

I looked back at Kenny and saw a small book in his hands, without giving notice to it I shrugged once again. "Yeah I know I've been different but it's not really THAT important…" I left the end hanging like I usually did, hoping he'd want me to finish but all he did was chuckle, mumble a little 'mhmm' and continue reading that gay little book. What kind of book could be so important enough for him to completely ignore me? Me of all people?! Hey wait, that book looks familiar… And is says diary on the front and… Oh shit… Fuck that little fucker did not! Right?

"You little asshole! What the fuck are you doing with my diary?!" I made a lunge for him, trying to grab my book back but the little fucker dodged me and continued to laugh. "I knew you liked Kyle! I'm telling!" My heart stopped. Did he just say he was going to tell Kyle? I watched as he ran out of the bathroom door as I felt like I couldn't move. I tried getting up but my legs wouldn't allow it, almost like they were glued to their place. I tried one last time to stand up and with luck this time I was once again on my feet. I ran out the door, hoping to catch Kenny before he could find the Jewish boy, but to my dismay Kyle was right outside the bathroom, talking to Kenny and from what I could see, he was reading my diary now too.

I decided to leave it be, not bring any attention to myself so I tried disappearing around the corner, then I heard someone call my name, but it wasn't Cartman, again it was Eric, I'd never get used to that, I almost died on spot. I continued walking, hoping the voice would let me go but before I could get away I heard it again.

"Eric Fucking Cartman! This better be a fucking joke!" I stopped in my place. Why would he fucking care if it was a joke or not!? I growled slightly and turned around, walking back to them. At that moment I saw the McCormick boy scatter the other way. "Why the fuck do you care if it's true or not?!" I couldn't help but get really close to him, staring into those oh so wonderful eyes of his. All I got back was a cold glare.

"Is this true?" His voice was a lot calmer, way calmer than it was two seconds ago, I thought I even saw worry in his eyes as I slowly nodded. What was he so worried about? Me actually telling the truth? "I-I was trying to tell you sooner but your hippie fag bag got in the way and before I could say anything… Well he started a fight…" I stood inches away from Kyle, our faces were so close it was crazy; it wasn't until now that I felt the blood rushing to rather… Lower regions. As I stared at Kyle, he got that frown on his face, I probably offended him and from what I could see in his face, he was going to hurt me. I felt him push me against the wall. It was quite normal for us since it would happen a lot more than you'd expect. For a small Jew, Kyle sure was strong. I closed my eyes and waited for his fist to connect with my jaw as it usually did but this time something else happened.

I felt his lips press harshly against mine. I wasn't expecting this at all and at first I wasn't convinced it was Kyle so I felt my eyes shoot open. But as I wished, it was Kyle who was deeply kissing me, so I gave into temptation. My arms found their way around Kyle's waist as his wrapped around my neck. I pressed my lips back against his as hard as I could, feeling the perfect shape against my own. I heard a little moan escape from him as I forced my tongue into his warm cavern. Our tongues immediately started battling for dominance but by pure luck he couldn't outlast me. Before he knew it, I had him pressed against the wall, his back arching towards me as one of my hands found their way under the front of his shirt. My hand made its way up until it found one of the gingers nipples, slowly I started massaging one and earned even more moans… Damn his moans were provocative… Slowly I moved my lips away from his and found myself tenderly kissing Kyle's neck, over and over, leaving several different 'love bites'.

"E-Eric… I-I…" I felt him press away from me, or atleast trying to but I don't know why. I mean I was close enough to him so that our hips were pressed against one another and there was no way he could deny being turned on. "We C-can't do this. N-Not here…" I stopped immediately, what does he mean not here!? I felt a little upset until I realized what that meant; he was giving me a chance.

As I allowed myself to be pushed away I once again felt Kyle's lips against mine. "Meet me at my place, two hours! Okay?" I slowly nodded and watched as he walked away, there was no way this was actually happening, or was it? I thought it wasn't, but I atleast wished it was. There was only one way to tell, in two hours I would figure out what was going on.

* * *

(Flashback)

"_Shut your fucking Jew mouth!" I spat in his face. We had been fighting, but not like this… This was worse._

"_Well then just do what I fucking say! For once in your god damn life just listen to me Cartman!" His Emerald eyes glared into mine as he shouted at the top of his lungs. Atleast my mom wasn't home to hear everything that was going on._

"_Fine I will you fucking Jewrat! Now what the fuck do you suggest we do? Hmm do you want every god damn person in our class to be bored out of their minds or do you want to do an interesting project?" My point was better than it sounded I mean, when you have to do a history project with the one person you hate the most in the world, it's kind of hard to agree with them. _

"_I'm not doing my project on the Holocaust and that's final!" He balled his hands up in fists as he got closer. God dammit I hated Kyle Broflovski so god damn much! _

"_Just listen Jew! If we do it on the Holocaust, not only will we have a ton of information on it, but we'll have more than we need… Even for a visual mark we can dress up in costumes and act it out!" I only stood my ground, balling my own fists and taking a step closer._

"_No way in hell Fatass! I'm not letting you dress up as Hitler and murder the fuck out of me, in the middle of the class!" He was so furious and as he took that final step, the one that closed the distance in between us, that's when I noticed it. I was blushing. Of course it was probably hard to tell since my face was already red from fighting._

"_I'm not fat you fucking Jew! And if you don't let me do our project on the Holocaust, well then I guess I'll have to let your mom in on a little secret… One involving a Jew being gay?" I took a pause waiting for the reaction from the Ginger, he was shocked but I could tell he was that close to giving in._

"_I wonder if she'd accept… Or maybe she'd never talk to you again, or speak to you, maybe even not ever look at you… Maybe she'd kick you out or better yet…" Another dramatic pause as my quiet speaking turned to a whisper. I leaned down to Kyle's ear, our chests pressed against each other, an evil smirk on my face and an almost scared on Kyle's. "Maybe she'd disown you…" _

_I felt Kyle breath in roughly for a second before pushing me back and crossing his arms. His eyebrows knit into a frown. "Fine whatever you say you stupid Nazi! We'll start tomorrow meet at my place!" He growled and walked away. _

_As I watched him get into his moms shitty old hybrid I couldn't help but notice the throbbing feeling coming from my pants. I looked down to see what I feared. I was hard, all because of that stupid Ginger Jersey Jew! Maybe it was the fighting… Or the feeling of over dominating him. Maybe it was because of the fear in his eyes or the disgusted look when I brought up Hitler. It could have even been from how torturing this seemed to be making Kyle… It didn't matter though because in the end this was all Kyle's fault. _

_My whole life I went through hating Kyle, trying to block him out or killing him… But all along, I was attracted to him in one way or another… This was the day that changed everything, November 12__th__ 2008… this was the day I decided Kyle was mine. No matter if it took me my life even just to touch him one more time. Kyle was mine and that was that… And nothing was going to stop me from taking what's rightfully mine! NO ONE!_

* * *

My brain always brought me back to this day, 4 years ago. It had taken me four years to get me what's mine. Or atleast that's what I think…

What if he's tricking me? He doesn't love me at all and he's trying to humiliate me! I mean how could he ever like me back? All I did was piss him off… Not only to get attention from him… But damn was he fucking hot when he was pissed! I mean how could he like me? You usually don't like the person who picks on you all the time and makes your life a living hell… Right?

I couldn't help myself though… Even if it was just a trick… I needed to find out how he felt about me. I found myself trudging over to my red pickup truck. I wasn't going to be late but I sure as hell wasn't going to be early. When I got in I waited a few minutes until I finally turned it on and pressed down on the gas petal

Kyle's family had moved when he was eleven. They still lived in South Park but now he lived ten minutes away walking instead of two. Therefore I had to drive for three reasons, the first was because it was snowing out really bad and I didn't feel like catching a cold, the second was because it would take me ten minutes to get there, ten minutes back and however long I'm over there for, leaving me to walk home in the dark most likely and the last reason was simply because I was too lazy.

When I got to Kyle's house I realized there was only one car in the driveway… Kyle's! Either he had a really good plan or he was being legit when he kissed me.

"Hey Fatass! It took you longer than I expected!" He was already waiting at the door for me. How long had he been waiting there?

"You're the one who told me to come at six!" I retaliated and stepped out of my truck, making my way over to the door. "Yeah but I didn't expect you to actually listen to me, I thought you'd be over sooner…" He gave a cute grin, totally knocking me off my train of thought.

He moved out of the doorway, letting me step in before he closed the door behind himself. "Yeah and I thought you hated me… Guess we can all be wrong…" I raised a brow at him, hoping for him to just agree and say I was right but of course I was wrong again. "How do you know I don't hate you? Maybe I'm making you suffer and I have a genius plan to get you back for all the times you hurt me? Hmmm?"

"Oh please! That kiss wasn't fake! If it was then why would you do it in the hallway where everyone could see you're just as gay as me?" He stepped closer, fury in his eyes. Sure it was sort of a fight, and even though it was just a small one, I was still getting him going. "I am not as gay as you! And no one was even in the school at that time! Everyone had gone home so they couldn't have seen!"

"Bullshit not everyone was gone because we were still there! The teachers were still there and so was Kenny! Obviously you didn't care who could have seen!" I got closer this time, now smirking at our stupid fight.

"The teachers were all in their classrooms and never go down that hall! They wouldn't have seen and neither would Kenny since he ran away! No one would have seen it! And when I did it I didn't mean anything by it! I'm tricking you! Everything is a god damn trick!" He stepped forwards once again. But this time I wasn't stuck on trying to come up with a good comeback. The truth was out, he was tricking me… But that wouldn't stop me, oh no I had come this far already! Too far to back down!

I pulled Kyle the rest of the way to me; it wasn't that far seeing as we were already close. Then I pushed him against the wall hearing him make a small grunt as I pressed my lips against his once again. As I began kissing him I'm sure I wasn't mistaken when I felt him kiss back. I let go of his wrists but instead of being pushed away like I thought he would, he just moved his arms around my neck, pulling my head in closer to his.

I was now struggling for breath, between how hot it had gotten and how much my breath was being taken away by Kyle. I slowly pulled away hoping I wouldn't regret what I was doing but instead of getting an angry remark from Kyle about how that was considered rape since he didn't like it, he just smiled a bit.

"Was it that hard?" I looked at him a bit confused. "What…?" He smirked and moved to the livingroom, I followed close behind. "Was it that hard? You know, to figure it out…" I still wasn't getting what he was saying. "What the fuck are you talking about Jew?" We both sat down on the couch, turning to face each other. "You're right okay? I like you in an embarrassing way. I have for a while now… I thought it would have been obvious since Kenny and Stan both knew… But I didn't think I would have been able to hide the fact so easily from you" Wait what the hell?! He did like me!? "Wait… You like me?" He gave a small nod. "For how long… Oh and why? I mean I'm horrible to you…"

He smirked and nodded, we both knew I wasn't hiding that fact. "I don't know… Just all the attention I got, no one else gave me that much and even though you were mean, it excited me… I didn't want it to stop. You made me hard Eric… I'm not afraid to say it seeing as you are too…" I looked down; he was right all the suspense went right to my dick. "I've liked you for longer than you'd expect… Maybe since we were in seventh grade, give or take about six years…" Even I was stunned at that… We were eleven when he liked me.

But exactly like me, we both loved the attention we got from each other. We both got turned on when we fought, we couldn't help it… We were meant to be.

I couldn't help but stare at him, glazed eyes and a grin threatening to escape. I couldn't hold it in anymore as I broke into a cruel snicker. Shaking my head I took Kyle's hand in mine.

"Stupid fucking Jew, why the hell didn't you risk it? Seven years is a long freaking time, just imagine what could have happened… We could be like…" I didn't even get to finish, I saw the tears falling down the Jewish boys cheeks. I pulled him in for a tight hug, my poor Jew shouldn't be crying.

"Shhh… Kyle it's okay, it really is. So what you didn't tell me, we're fine now, everything is perfect." Kyle was hugging me back and it took me until now to realize Kyle was seated on my lap, his pretty Emerald eyes staring up into my Hazel ones. He was perfect.

"Cartma-" I placed a finger over his lips. "No, it's not Cartman… Not to you, call me Eric."

I don't think I've ever seen him smile the way he was right now. I wouldn't ever allow anyone to call me by my first name, it was a huge step that only very few people would be allowed to see, only special people. And if this was some insinuation I wanted to be more than friends than okay… Fine I was insinuating this. I wanted to be Kyle's man. I wanted to be able to go out, holding his hand so other normal people can look at us and say 'Oh hey, look at that gay couple!' I wanted to be that gay couple people talk about. That not so perfect relationship… But hey, we have our ways. It may not be the perfect love story, but we didn't need that to keep us happy.

"Okay fine Eric…" Once again I had my finger on his lips.

"Kyle this is important to me, I'm sure this means we're already together but just in case… I wanna be out about this. I want people to look at us and laugh because we are the most unlikely couple. I want your mom to know. I want my mom to know, I want the whole world to kno-" He stopped my talking by pressing his lips against mine. I grinned a bit into the kiss. Kyle's arms made their way around my neck, if we had a few extra seconds maybe I could have actually gotten tongue involved. Unfortunately he pulled away and stared into my eyes.

"I love you Eric Cartman and if that's what you want, then fine. But just so you know… It's super gay."

* * *

**_Okay so haha... as you can see this is a very long one-shot. And let me just tell you from experience... Writing stories takes a long time. This particular story has taken me about a month and a half to write. I'm proud to say that this is infact the first story I have written and actually ended. Yes I am very proud of this story, I don't know why, because it's not even that great but... I love it. Anyways, leave comments and all that stuff, or whatever because I love to hear what you guys think of my writing, also if anyone has any ideas for a next story or whatever just say. I'd be happy to have a go at it :)  
-Melissa XoXo_**


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